Friday, January 17, 2014

Live to the point of tears.

via 

I tend to get anxious over the first post of the new year. Honestly, it's a post a write more for myself than for the reader because it's a great personal checks and balances from year to year. But it's always hard to know where to begin and where to end. Usually, a few days in, something will just come to me, a way to sum up one year and start a new one, and the words will start to flow. But sixteen days into 2014, nada. After a hectic fall / December, I've been a bit behind on things I would normally die at the thought of (late Christmas gifts, forgetting birthday's, etc.) but oddly wasn't that bothered this time around. I was beginning to wonder what was wrong with me. And as I reread my first post of 2013, I started to fear that maybe I'd let go a little too much.

I stumbled on this print in early January and a few days later, a pivotal small moment happened. 

We were having afternoon tea, our 2nd annual to start the new year, when my husband received an email relating to a problem with his business. He was frustrated but calm and we spent a few minutes venting before directing the conversation back to more pleasant things, little things - like how pretty the setting was and what a perfect day (rainy) for warm tea. And during this, I got teary. I wasn't sad, just literally living to the point of tears. It was the first time I realized this is something that happens to me often. It happened here. And here.

Then, listening to this audiobook a week later, a sentence grabbed me.

"With each small cry, it feels less a release and more like an irrepressible unfiltered tenderness at being fully here. The more of these moments I experience, the less a problem it seems, for isn't this what I've been after, to be this close to life, to be pricked beneath the surface of things? Isn't anything that keeps us this close to life a gift?" - Mark Nepo

2013 included some bigger goals and plans that didn't pan out. Though a little disappointed, we weren't devastated, because sometimes things simply aren't meant to be and we pretty comfortable with trusting the path. That said, last year was pretty awesome as well. We traveled. We partied. We lived. I didn't do so well with putting the phone down, and I'm still pretty impatient. But I did work my way through this book which is a.life.changer. And regardless of any of that, I can say that I lived to the point of tears. 

I've been thinking about time a lot lately and how much faster it seems to pass with each day. I'm doing the best I can to enjoy the little moments, after all, the little things are part of the theme of this blog. But I'm also realizing that I've put some things off that simply cannot wait. So without further ado: 

In 2014 I want to:
  • Define my actionable goals. I know what you're thinking, "shouldn't that be the content of this post??". Well, yes. It should. But as I mentioned, I'm behind on stuff. 
  • Continue the internal work. Wanna read this daily, and go to that
  • More family/friend time. Being busy is really just a lame excuse.
  • Read more (Audible counts). At the very least, 13 books this year. Starting with this book club.
  • Keep traveling. Nothing renews me more.
  • Blog more. This site has gone from stationery, to fashion, to hopefully a little more personal this year. Ideally, I envision a virtual scrapbook to look back on in years to come. I'm not planning on going back to a post per day habit, but you'll be seeing a bit more of me around in 2014.
  • Keep up with the purging. I'm going to be ruthless this year, if I don't love it, it goes.
  • Live to the point of tears. 
  • And obviously, more theme parties

I hope your year is off to a wonderful start. Wishing you all the best in 2014! 


P.S. Funny story, I actually accidentally deleted the entire contents of this post and had to rewrite it all over again. Talk about living to the point of tears. Unfortunately, after rewriting, I don't think it's nearly as well said as the first draft but am posting it anyway. Look at me, checking off a goal already ;) 

2 comments:

  1. Living to the point of tears–what a beautiful goal. And a wonderful post to start the new year.

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